live to love...

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

how to feel powerfully moved

Reading this empowered me and moved me to become excited for this new year that's coming ahead. My resolution is to become more in touch with myself, learn myself, push boundaries, and to be spontatnious yet responsible.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... Enough money within her control to move out... And rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... Something perfect to wear if her employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her Old Age...

A WOMEN SHOULD HAVE... A set of screwdriver's, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

...A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... One friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A good peice of furniture not previously owned by anyone in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That she can't change the length of her calves, The width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That her childhood may not have been perfect... but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... What she would or wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to live alone... Even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Whom she can trust, Whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Where to go... Be it to her best friend's kitchen table, or a charming inn in the woods... When her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... What she can and can't accomplish in a day... A month... and a year...See More

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


today i found out that i am approved for a car. the thing that aggrevates me is that i am supposed to trade in the envoy, put 500.00 down, and i feel that it's DERRICK's "d'S" responsibility since he made me sell my car when i didnt want to so that he could buy himself a truck. i BEGGED him not to because I wanted to divorce him in MAY and when i found out i could lose my only source of independence i went nutso. i was happy WITH the envoy because its OBViously nicer. and more grown up. the gas sucked though and the payments were 360.00 a month. bleh. now. after leaving Derrick and struggeling for 2 months im totally over it. i can afford the car but only if i want to eat ramen for the next 2 years. Soooo, i now have the opportunity to buy this new Mitzubishi Lancer...NTM anyways it is an '04. He should pay the 500.00. in my opinion, the 2,000.00 he got for my Kia should be returned but im not that much of a bitch. i hope i am being fair. i mean HE can afford to just give me 500.00. MLEEHHHHhhhh.

Friday, December 10, 2010

the [f.] word. family

i moved. i have stayed in my house one night. i just cannot bring myself to go there every night. it's okay though. i did this with Liz and after a month i realized that i was home and started to stay every night and then i moved. So.o.o.o. now I am figuring out my life. that's hard. i try not to put too much thought with it. i am a go with the flow type of person but i need to design some structure in my life and get MY hobbies and MY interests and be able to realize i no longer am living my life to please someone else. it's nice  amazing to know that I can be who i want to be and do what I want to do for me and not feel guilty about it. somedays i wake up and realize that I am home. in my heart right now I have found that this is where i belong. I am not sure why, but I am not ready to pack up and go back to my family. i love & miss them beyond words, but this is my time. this is the time where I am able to find myself and develop myself for my future.

If i fall in love, I want it to be because we are friends & cannot stand to live life without each other. I want them to love and accept me for who I am and I want that same thing. I dont want someone who I think I can change. I want someone who is just right for me, & I am just right for him. God knows. He knows me and my heart and someday he will make sure I have the family I always dreamed of but was afraid to have with my last relationship because I KNEW it was a fail.
moving on. i am starting school in January & i am so impressed that I am truly doing things on my own. i have THE BEST support system. my friends here have quickly become family and I am so blessed to have grounded, good, centered people in my life to make sure I dont end up in a bad place during this transition. God really placed these people in my life to surround me and shield me from making bad choices as I better my life through my job and school. without them i would end up drinking every night, making bad decisions, being with the wrong crowd, and going back home to figure it out once again. So I appreciate every soul here in CO that has taken to me and allowed me to come inside their circle of family and BELONG. i love everyone here so much & i am extremely grateful for God bringing me good people at a very important time of my life. enough mush. i have to get back to work.  -xxooxo

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

holiday. divorce. drinks. fml.

Thanksgiving was the first holiday I had to spend seperated and it wasnt even that bad. It was rough not being around my family, but I have friends here that totally made up for it. Next on the list is the old 4 year anniversary. WHYYY did i get married around christmas geez!?! So, because I am trying to stay away from alcohol unless I am at a party I need to come up with some interesting things to occupy my mind so that I dont end up an alcoholic...Sooo that takes me to my library card, school registration, window shopping, and writing. I am on hold on my book thanks to the divorce. grr. its locked up on "D's" computer and I havent been able to find the file to download it on my flashdrive. And i move sunday to my new house and I am going to have one last stab at downloading it. after that I wont have to see Derrick  "D" ever again except to meet me at the courthouse to pay his half of filing fee. I am sad to pieces that we cant stay friends but every day I realize how much happier I am being me, doing what I want to do, and pursuing my dreams of going to school for what "I" want to do. this is such an easy thing that it almost makes me wonder if I am not heartless. hmm. maybe i DONT have a heart. cool. now no one can break what I dont have. so. now I have to get through Dec 23 (anniversary), Dec 24 & 25, for obvious reasons. and then Im clear. Because NEW YEARS will be here. And i LOOOVE NYE. so -xo- cross your fingers.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


I keep fluctuating 133-140. Tine for another round before christmas. Going to begin Dec 4th, lose whatever I lose. Live it up in New Years Eve in an amazingly sexy dress, and then if I'm feeling fleshy Jan 1 I will do it again. This divorce is helping pack on lbs because I'm eating ramen and grilled cheese daily. Stupid carbs. Grr.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


October 28th was the day I decided to leave Derrick. I waited a week to seperate all of our finances, pack my things, get a place to stay, and come up with a plan. The easy part was leaving. the hard part was leaving a human being with feelings and watching his pain. I moved out Nov 7th and havn't looked back since. I am so much happier. I am me i am being myself and if people dont like it, fuck them. I have finally gotten my life back. i am in control. who knows there this life will take me.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

the new day.

November seems to always be my month of change. 2002 was bootcamp. 2003 was Va Beach. 2004 was Texarkana TX, 2005 was Ohio, 2006 was when I became engaged, 2007 was when Derrick came home, 2008 was when Derrick was gone and I got my tattoo, 2009 was when I started my new job and moved into my new house, 2010. thats the day i found the strength for me to walk away.

Monday, November 1, 2010

things. things that kind of annoy me.

ahem. this is a list of things that irritate me a little on a normal day. if im late for an event or work, if im already having a bad day, they bug the "H" out of me to the point of thumping my fist repeatedly into the sterring wheel, yelling at people how to drive, or kicking the rocks in my back yard. so. enjoy. hope i am not alone with this lengthy list<3

: people who walk UPON me at the mall or walmart instead of going (AROUND). there is clearly, a huge aisle. get out. of. my. bubble.

:people who drive in the right hand lane who dont need to make a right hand turn. they are the ones who without fail will be the car in front of me at a redlight on the street where "I" need to friggin turn right. and they nervously look in their mirror at my blinker and feel like crap because NOW they realize they made a mistake that they cant fix

: going through the drive through and then going back IN because they screwed up your order. ugh.

:Being asked my telephone number/account number AFTER I already entered in using the keypad on my phone. I thought I was supposed enter that info to "better assist me".  stupids.

:The noise people make when they rub their fingers on balloons. i HATE that sound.

:Someone standing over my shoulder reading the computer screen.  serrrriously. happens all. the time. at my job. i just want to tell them, they have google too. once again, the bubble thing. get OUT.

:When something I've been into for a long time becomes popular.

:Cutesy intentional misspellings: � lite� � kwik� � �R � for are. yess. lets not degrade our intelligence

:People who no matter what relate to something you have done and try to "one up" you.

:When people continue to stare after they ask you a question, as if they need you to expand more on your answer.

:In mini golf when you miss the hole three times in a row less than a foot away

:When the tiolet paper roll is backwards.

When the cashier gives you the change with the coins on top of the bills and for a moment you look like a fool jamming a large wad of cash into your pocket or purse while the guy in line BEHIND you wants to stand in your place so he is slowly walking forcing you to walk and shove at the same time. IMPATIENT people. grr.

when someone calls me and i have to listen to them wrap up a previous (OBVIOUSLY more important) conversation with someone else before i get their undivided attention. even though. they called ME.

small list of things that bug me.

Monday, September 13, 2010

8 answers

1. Where do you think you'll be in 8 years? somewhere exotic. owning my own home with a fat masters degree in Business

2. If you could be anyone famous, who would you want to be?
myself. just uber famous beyond rich, owning a yacht, sailing abroadm traveling abroad with my closest family & friends

3. What's your alcoholic drink of choice? dark microbewed beer with rich chocolate, coffee & vanilla flavors, also I l.o.v.e. Vegas Bombs as shots, and for a regulare sipper captain morgan & diet coke garnished with a lime-deelish

4. What's the best gift you have ever received? anything my niece & nephew give.

5. Three people you admire? 1. my mother, 2. my sister Cassie, 3. Rachel Zoe

6. If you were a rapper what would you call yourself? Icey Diva Jenna -ps i got that off a google site that generates rapper names ahahaha. i dont know what i would call myself.

7. If you could change your name, would you? no, i believe Jenna suits me.

What to? na

8. Tell us a secret.
im obsessed with OOTD posts and i look for them all day @ work while i should be working.

Friday, September 10, 2010


I have just begun to read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Sieg Larsson & i am -in- l.o.v.e. with this author's writing. Its a TON of information to take in so its not a quick read, however, I have 5 more pages to go and then...I am going out tonight to but the next book The Girl Who Played With Fire. I am also going to rent the movie to the first book tonight and watch it. the fact that its a foreign film with subtitles is a bit unsetteling since I really dont like to watch an entire movie but it HAS to be worth it. in my mind as i read the book i just thought of Angelina Jolie as the Lisbeth character but its someone else. Cant wait to watch the movie & move onto the next book!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

things that can turn my good day BAD

driving behind a person going 5 "under" the speed limit while the person next to them is going the speed limit but their back tire is aligned with the front tire of the person whose ahead of YOU...while you're late to work

walking in the mall at a NORMAL brisk paced and being slowed down by an entire family who walks shoulder to shoulder blocking you from going around and you have kiosks on one side and shop windows on the other...

while driving home you get to being 15 minutes away when cold chills hit you then chill bumps cover your entire body as the poop cramps get your stomach and you need to get home NOW. you get the red arrow in the left hand turn lane, after bouncing up and down praying the stupid light turns it goes green and you make the left hand turn at a high speed only to get stuck in a construction zone.

the day you realize that no matter how hard you try not everyone will love OR like you and that there will always be negative things true and untrue said about you. Its up to you to realize which ones are worth bringing up and which ones arent even worth a second thought.

going to starbucks the last day until october 15. that i can have anything sugary or fattening since I am doing hcg (again.) anyways. LAST day for 45 days that I can have a FLIPPIN Caramel Mochiatto Espresso & the daggone espresso machine is broken.

getting the only grocery cart that looks sanitary and made in the last decade and as soon as you hit the tile its got a lean to it dragging you sideways and a squeaky wheel. this is the first time you've gone shopping for a month so it's going to be a cart piler.

getting told by bresnan that they will be at my house to install my internet between the hours of 11am and 7pm. then showing up at 730pm . while forgetting to also install cable which thank you i NOW have to take another day off work to wait around for your sorry butt crack to show up for MY appointment.

when your spouse is obviously upset and when you ask, the answer is a nice incomprehendable mumble. You ask what did you say? (politely) "NEVER MIND". ps: if you're going ot be angry and dont want me to know take the attitude elsewhere until its adjusted, or TELL me so I can understand (orNOT) and leave you alone.

after a week of trying to unsuccessfully cuddle withthe hubs while watching tv, the one night i am watching tv ALONE he decideds to play MMA fighting while i am watching the last episode of RHWNJ for a year and listening to him whining about me not cuddeling.

when the son cleans all of the bathrooms and he releoads the tp to where the new piece is UNDER the roller. thought that counts though=]

when I am at work thinking of all of the things that annoy me and I type them up so I look incredibaly busy.

when I am running late for work and the shoes I know that will match has a missing mate. and then I find it in the closet.... just i had been sitting on it. (whose butt is so big it doesnt feel a HIGH HEEL jabbing it?)

when Derrick changes the channel without warning, commercial or not when i am CLEARLY watching it.

Sneezing while driving with a weak bladder. once upon a time i thank God for a spare pair of underware and a roll of tp in the trunk & a walmart bag stashed behind my seat.

walking through a crowded aread while a smoker animatedly swings their smoking arm with no regard to you.

calling to make a payment on my 20 day late health insurance bill and finding out Ive already been put in collections and I now need to make payments to a bank with (ONLY) a 10% interest rate while if I chose to stay with RMHP to make my payments it would be 27%. i havent even been 30 days late are you "F'N" kidding me?

calling to make a payment after my HR & CEO let me know my insurance contacted them about my late payment. (serioussslllyyyy) and getting told that my call would be answered in the order it was received. for 45 minutes where I must be clocked out because the CEO & HR dont think its apporpriate for me to take care of it on works time...didnt it turn to a business issue once they contacted my place of emPLOYment?

going to Cabellas, waiting in line to look at a scope. I get no acknowledgement, anytime the old reirees look up and i attempt to make eye contact they hurridly begin to rearrange bullets. THEN once a mexican comes over they run a background check, ids, immagration status, weapons permit, when all i needed was them to POINT at the daggone scope i was buying the hubs for his birthday. THEN i hear ATTENTION SHOPPERS, THE MALL IS NOW CLOSED at 5pm on a flippin MONDAY. Labor Day Monday though. GEEZ

Thursday, July 1, 2010

HCG Diet tips, encouragement, and preperation.

First part of this diet is the mental preparation. You have to be stoked about it, you have to go shopping for it and you have to tell people that you are on a strict diet so that you don't get pressured into cheating. Cheating will cause weight gain for SURE. trust me. I followed the diet to a T except for the 2 times i had alcohol and it wasn't even alot and i gained 1 lb the day after and it took 2-3 days to lose it! Seriously. is a great resource for you to get a grocery list. I printed it out and kept it on my fridge. it tells you the free foods you can have, the meats, the fruits, and the vegetables. I used that as my grocery list. You need to buy glad sandwich bags, foil, and have lots of Tupperware. What I did was broiled my chicken or fish in foil so it doesn't stick to the pan and you dont have to use ANY oils or grease. DO NOT USE THAT (unless) its the "approved" coconut oil which is like a Crisco texture. Also, no flavored coffee. If you cant take coffee black then buy stevia drops at your local health food store where you can buy organic beauty products & groceries or google it to fins it in your area, that are flavored and approved to flavor sparkling water, coffee, tea and even make really good treats. I read about an Orange Julius by blending up my orange and ice. then I added a tad of sparkling water, stevia to taste and 2 drops of vanilla flavored stevia. they have chocolate, raspberry, lemon, lime, and even a root beer which you can add to sparkling water and have a guilt free "soda"! What i did for work this time was of course drink my 3 cups of black coffee, but at lunch I would have a Pierre sparkling water with a wedge of lime and it was fizzy and summery and yummy and its not cheating! Also, i have all my approved veggies bought and stored. The night before work I would weigh my veggies & fruit and get my meal ready so walking out the door I grab and go. When I got home I would cook my dinner and then once again my lunch for the next day. IF you go out to eat and its not planned. . . be a "B". Order grilled chicken breast only and don't have them season it tell them NO SEASON because they will put oil on it and that will screw you up. I'm a psycho so I carry around lemon pepper in my purse. Order your broccoli or whatever approved veggie on the side and steamed. If you have salad, do what I do and I mixed apple cider vinegar with salt, pepper, water, & 1 stevia packet and put it in a spray bottle that I also keep in my purse. ONLY eat lettuce, tomato, & cucumber on a salad. Sometimes I will blend up my strawberries with ice and stevia and have a strawberry Slurpee. Also I slice my apple and put it in a teeny tiny bowl with cinnamon and stevia and microwave for 2 minutes. the small bowl allowes all the juices to be contained and the apples get marinated in it's deliciousness. You can do this. You have invested time, money, emotion, and giving up your normal eating habits to get to a healthy weight and amazing body. Every night before bed just take 2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar. its SICK so hold your breath and have water or tea available!!! good luck!

Monday, June 14, 2010


Day 13-22...End of Phase 2!!

DAY 13: 139.2 * what!
I had apple day. I ate only 5 apples. and drank only when thirsty. I then got really feverish and a migrane headache so i slept all day. AFTER i had gone to church & watched people have bbq pork and ribs, potato salad, pasta salad.....i actually cried at how much sacrafice I had made and how I better lose in the morning.

DAY 14- 140.4.
I dont know what is going on. Im HIGHLY pissed.
Breakfast: one bite of lowfat cottage cheese
2 cups of black coffee

snack: apple

Lunch: half a sliced cucumber
half a sliced small beef tomato
3.5 oz of chicken breast
1 melba toast

water water water


3.5 oz broiled tilapia
3.5 oz of brussel sprouts
3.5 oz steamed cabbage
4 small straw berries sliced

water water water

snack: 1 melba toast

DAY 15: *138.4. yay! lost 2 lbs!!!! suh weet. back ontrack

breakfast: one ginormous cup of black coffee

lunch: 3.5 oz broiled tilapia seasoned with ground cummin, tony c's, parsley & garlic salt, and basil. (yum)
3.5 oz tomato
3.5 oz celery
one orange
one melba toast

broiled tilapia seasoned with the same stuff as lunch
3.5 oz cucumber
3.5 oz lettuce with vinager
one apple with cinnamon
water water water

Day 16 * 138.0....whoopty doo...but thats ok

breakfast: coffee just one

3.5 oz broiled chicken breast with minced garlic dipped in franks extra hot sauce
3.5 oz of tomato
3.5 oz broiled zuccini seasoned with calt and pepper
4 small strawberries
1 melba toast

3.5 grilled chicken seasoned with minced garlic also salt pepper and tony c's
3.5 oz shredded lettuce
3.5 oz cucumber
1 apple sprinkled with cinnamon

Day 17: * i am 137.2!!!!!! yay so close to what my goal is. I have 7 lbs and I will have met my goal weight of 130. I am super motivated.

I had one cup of black coffee.

3.5 oz chicken
3.5 oz lettuce
1 apple
1 melba toast

3.5 oz steak grilled and seasoned with garlic salt, pepper, & tony c;'s
3.5 oz lettuce
3.5 oz cucumber
1 oz tomato with a bit of white vinager
1 melba toast
1 orange

64 oz water by the end of the day

Day 18 * 137.2 still....i think i need to be switching things up and dropping the lettuce so today I am having coffee for breakfast

3.0 oz chicken breast grilled with pepper and garlic salt & tony c's
3.5 oz of broiled zuccini

3.5 oz chicken breast grilled with salt & pepper & tony c's
3.5 oz of steamed cabbage
1 apple
1 melba toast

Day 19: 136.8 getting there!!!

lunch: grilled chicken from olive garden. plain
grilled asparagas
sparkling water with lime
1 melba toast
1 orange

3.5 oz chicken
3.5 oz brussel srouts steamed
1 apple sliced, sprinkled with cinnamon & stevia microwaved for 2 min & voila!! hot apple pit minues pie haha.

This night aggravated me. I went to "2" bar-b-q parties with food food food and alcohol and i just didnt participate. ughhhhh

Day 2o. 135.8 yayeah!! 8 oz away from goal whohooooo!!
its my birthday so i KNOW im going to have a hard time today.

well i ate an orange for breakfast since we ended up going floating the river & i didnt get a chance to make coffee.
THEN when everyone was eating greasy hamburgers i got hunger pains so I ate an apple.

THEN floating the river they peer pressured me since it was my birthday to take a shot. i took a shot of vodka. OMG ive screwed UPPPP!!!

lunch was at 4pm I had
lunch: 3.5 oz grilled steak seasoned with salt, pepper, & tony c's
3.5 oz steamed cabbage
1 apple with cinnamon
1 melba toast
iwent to sleep until 730 and woke up and ate

3.5 oz steak (grilled with the same spices from lunch)
3.5 oz sliced cucumber
1 apple
1 melba toast.

Day 21: 137. wha whaaa! i knew it so its apple day!!

Day 22: I was running late for work today and woke up and ran out and half way to work realized I forgot to weigh myself...wonderfuulll so awesome how you can become OCD on this diet. i had a panic attack thinking about how my day is ruined since I didnt weigh myself. whatev. tomorrow morning will be my "final" P2 weigh in!!

so i ate normal for p2 today and crossed my fingers for the best.
3 oz of broiled tilapia seasoned with cummin, salt, pepper, & tony c's
2 oz of steamed zuccini
2 oz of lettuce
1 orange

3 oz of chicken
3.5 oz steamed cabbage
1 melba toast
snack before bed was 1 raw apple

my FINAL weigh in that is my weight stabilization goal is 135!!!! yay i lost 13 lbs!!! July 20 i start again to lose the final 10!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

20 Days of HCG part II

DAY 6-12
Starting weight is 148. Day 6, I weigh 143.8
I only lost 4 oz. probably due to pork, and my all over the place meals. I will learn from this and move forward. I only have 16 days left!
Coffee with 3 stevia packets

3.5 oz of grilled salmon
3.5 oz of lettuce with 3.5 oz celery with 1 slice of red bell pepper
sprayed 3 oz of white vinager sweetened with one pureed strawberry
1 melba toast
3 sliced strawberries

3.5 oz grilled lemon peppered chicken breast
3.5 oz sliced cucmbers (no salt)
3.5 oz steamed broccoli
1 Melba toast
Apple sliced up with sprinkled cinnamon & 1 stevia packet

DAY 7: Im pissed. I lost 2 oz. i weigh 143.2
why is this happening? I had to watch my inlaws drink beer, eat home made fried chicken, home made french fries while i ate a saucer sized plate of fresh goodness....fine. I am ok with eating right, but if I am only going to lose 6 OUNCES in 2 days I am doing SOMETHING wrong. I have to use chapstick, deodorant, and wash my hair and I dont even put the soap on my scalp, or use lotion. I live in a flippin DESERT so my skin is DRYYYY. I am going to google what I need to do at this point. very frustrated though. I thought I was doing so well and I didnt even cheat!!!

**Lesson Learned: Pork & Salmon screwed me. Salmon is something you cannot have. At least I still lost a few ounces so today I am back on track with my food list. going grocery shopping today<3

BREAKFAST: about 3 cups of coffee no stevia. one green tea.
3.5 oz of chicken breast (grilled with lemon pepper)
3.5 oz celery
1 oz radish (i couldnt eat them all....i do not like them but I have to eat them since they are on the list and I refuse to waste)
1 melba toast
4 small strawberries sliced up.
I seriously BETTER drop ONE whole pound of fat tomorrow morning. I seen in the book which i read compulsively that you can add for a boost add 2 tbsp of apple cider vinager. I will be doing this soon and will let you know what my out come is:) sorry for my rants, but i need an outlet and believe it or not, THIS is helping me stay on track better than just writing my intake down. i will update tomorrow my weight and what I had for dinner tonight-xx
3.5 oz grilled chicken
1.5 oz lettuce
1 strip of red bell pepperchopped finely and one white sweet onion ring raw chaopped
a splash of white vinager and that was my chicken salad (deelish)
3.5 oz steamed brocolli
1 melba toast.
Since I had such disappointing results the past few days i thought I would skip my apple and i actually wasn't hungry with all the water and green tea I drank.
DAY 8: I woke up and I am 141.8 suh weet!!!
per usual my breakfast is coffee and around 10:30 am I will be going to starbucks for my venti iced green tea. (they will sweeten it with stevia if you want but i do it myself) I am ready for a good day today!!!!! -xoxo
3.5 oz grilled chicken breast ( the middle wasnt done so i didnt get to eat the entire thing
3.5 oz of cucumber ( this is half a cucumber all cut up....i took it to work and while i was slicing my half of a cucumber, half of my half already cut up fell on the nasty floor...threw it away)
3.5 oz of brocollie ( the stems were nasty i threw them away)
1 melba toast i ate it slowly since my lunch was ruined.
1 apple.
3.5 oz broiled tilapia with lemon pepper seasoning
3.5 oz broiled zuccini
3.5 oz of boiled brussel sprouts
1 orange
1 melba toast
Before bed I was super hungry so i sliced an apple and had one slice sprinkled with cinnamon

DAY 9- i didnt lose an ounce i still weigh 141.8. the only thing i can even think that killed me was that slice of apple. FRUSTRATION.
I will be doing my "apple a day" to freak out my body. I can now have 6 apples from today through tomorrow. which means I will have one at 11, one at 1, one at 3, one at 6, one at 9 and one tomorrow for breakfast and then my diet begins back normally tomorrow for lunch. wish me luck.

**9:50pm- i actually didnt starve or die from hunger pains or even get a headache. hopefully tomorrow the scale will drop. its amazing how sucessful & motivated you can be when failure is not an option and you take every day one day at a time. we will see tomorrow if im back on track!

Day 10: 141. im thinking maybe no more sugar free gum. Maybe that has too much sugar to allow a full 1-2 lbs of weight loss.

Breakfast: around 3 cups of coffee
3.5 oz grilled tilapia seasoned with salt pepper basil and minced garlic
3.5 oz of broiled in tin foil zuccini
3.5 oz of celery
i passed on melba toast
one orange
I had 2 unsweetened lipton green leaf teas that had zero calories, sugars, anything so we will see how weigh in goes.
I had to have ONE piece of gum because I was DYING.
3.5 oz grilled chicken breast
3.5 oz lettuce
1 onion ring raw diced up
i made a salad with the white vinager and mixed my chicken into it.
1 melba toast.
around 9:30 my husband was eating pizza rolls & a drumstick ice cream SO i chopped up 3 strawberries to give my mouth something so i wouldnt cheat. WHILE i was watching super boring tv, I read this guy's blog as he did a 40 day cycle on HCG and seen he only had ONE vegetable, ONE fruit, no toast and his trying that tomorrow!

Day 11:140.4
BREAKFAST: coffee....i will not have those lipton teas, and like I said, I will be cutting out one vegetable and the melba toast for lunch. we will see. I would like to be at 130 by the end of this round. which means I have 10.4 lbs to try and lose by june 22.....I will be drinking alot more water as well, since for some reason yesterday I didnt have that much. we will see we will see....that's my motto. I think AUGUST 1 regardless of my weightloss I will be doing another round to drop down to 125. That is my goal weight and now I will have success meals and failure meals to refer to!

3.5 oz chicken shredded and put into lettuce with a splash of white vinager
an apple

3.5 oz chicken with salt pepper & tony c's seasoning
one apple

DAY 12: 138.0! *down 10 lbs!*
Breakfast: coffee no sweetner

LUNCH : steamed long green beans
3.5 oz Chicken

3.5 oz chicken in lettuce with 1/2 white onion, strip of red bell pepper
4 strawberries sliced
2 tbsp of hershys cocoa mixed with little water and one stevia packet

it's having club soda, 3 shots ov vodka and half a lime squeezed....

Friday, June 4, 2010

MY 20 Days of HCG

as you can tell, I have started my hcg diet June 1. I load 2 days and then the next 20 i eat 500 calories a day. i base my meals off of the Pounds&Inches book that will be available to you if you go to "hcg weight loss, do it yourself for less" on facebook and order through I weigh 148 lbs and i am 5'3". I was 146 when i ordered the kit but I guess I gained 2 from all of the eating I did knowing this was coming up. To stay motivated i constantly google HCG Diet Recipes, blogs, testimonials, and weigh myself EVERY MORNING. I am keeping track of this to keep me on track and to also help others who also are thinking about doing this or are currently doing it. I have to tell you that H2o will be your bff on this journey. as soon as you feel hungry or even WANT to eat, grab your water. I drink over 100 ounces daily. I drink 1 20 oz bottle on my way to work, I have a 64 oz water jug I have that I drink at work through my 8 hour shift, and then i drink 2 or 3 more 20 oz bottles of water from the time i come home and the time I go to bed. So keep in mind I am doing all of this while I am doing the diet. Please make sure you don't OVER hydrate yourself as this washes away electrolytes, proteins, vitamins, and other essential things you need to live.

*Another tip I have found helpful. Prepare your meals ahead of time. Ziplocks are super handy & easy for traveling. When at home put it on a smaller plate and cut up your meat, your veggies, your fruit, and have your melba toast sitting on top. You look like you have ALOT of food on that small plate, so this helps your psyche. Also, chew slowly, and have a big sip of water between bites. Pay attention to yourself eat. I learned that when I was watching TV and picking from my plate, i touched an empty plate and didnt realize I had finished which then make me freak out a bit. weird but it did.

Day 1: Load day. easy day. i ate McDonald's, beer, ice cream bars, cheese, cheese, cheese, & more cheese.

Day 2: Load day 2: i weigh 148.4 lbs. I ate a bagel with cream cheese, oreos, chex mix, McDonald's, hamburger, potato salad & more beer, cheese, cheese, cheese, & cheese.

Day 3: i weigh 147.4. i have lost one pound. today my diet was:
black coffee. one glass of iced green tea NO SUGAR added.
LUNCH: 3.5 ounces of grilled chicken breast
3.5 ounces of chopped cucumber
3.5 ounces of sliced radishes
one apple. one Melba toast
DINNER:3.5 ounces of grilled chicken breast
3.5 ounces of celery
3.5 ounces of lettuce
one orange. one Melba toast.
OK, lets be honest. i don't eat a whole lot ANYWAY, but when I'm told WHEN WHAT & HOW MUCH i can eat, i kick into sever rebellion. i googled things i could eat to shut my growling stomach UP! i did find that one lb of lettuce is 25 calories so i shredded it up at dinner & basically ate it like popcorn. normally when i am that ravenous I put in a party pizza & eat that and chips while I'm waiting on it to cook. So....instead of ripping into my small dinner, i sat down, turned the TV down and slowly ate chewing slowly and drinking water between each bite. THAT helped me feel full. then i drank 3 20 oz bottles of spring water. and went to bed.

DAY 4: i weigh 145. i lost *2.4 lbs* !!
BREAKFAST: one cup of black coffee, one glass of organic green tea (which is a natural diuretic as well as a great appetite suppressant) i added one packet of stevia to my tea
LUNCH: i had already grilled with lemon pepper my 3.5 ounces of chicken breast. I made a soup with approved stuff so here's my recipe and tomorrow at weigh in i will find out if i need to never do it again, or if it worked.
3.5 oz grilled chicken breast ( cut up obviously)
3.5 oz of chopped celery
3.5 oz of chopped cabbage
1/2 cup of no sodium chicken broth
1 cup of water.
i thew everything in a pot and boiled it and then i added minced garlic, tony C's, pepper, and basil.
Since that was my meat, and my 2 veggies i ate that
1 Melba Toast
3 large strawberries sliced and that was my lunch!

I had a baby shower at work and with all of the cake, chips and dip, fruit & veggie trays, I cheated. I had 4 large strawberries. I feel so guilty!!!!

DINNER: I had 3.5 oz od grilled lemon peppered chicken breast
3.5 oz of cucumbers
3.5 oz of radishes (im not liking them so much)
1 melba toast
1 orange.
I was going to my inlaws house. Since I drink beer there i decided to eat before i went and take alot of bottled water there to stay focused. it worked! i didnt drink beer. but i had alot of imaginary dinners there since we talked about jerkey, lasagnea, sea food.....18 more days and I can have some of those things in MODERATION!!

Day 5: I weigh 143.8. *down 1.2 lbs...suh-weet!!!
today is a rought day. my husband and I will be shopping all day. To prepare I grabbed my apple and my melba toast and 2 bottles of water. I drank coffee the first part and so i was full. but when Derrick went to SBARRO and was eating some italian something or other, I didn't want his, but the smells were making my stomachj grumble, so I ate my apple and my melba toast. we left at 11 and got home at 3:30, so I didnt eat lunch until late and I screwed up.
3.5 oz grilledpork
3.5 oz celery
3.5 oz of broccoli.
Then we left again and around 8pm we went to Chilis.
seriously, i drank as much water and Hot green tea as posisble but I was DYING.
I had to watch him eat southwest egg rolls and a huge bbq burger with fries.
I ate
3.5 oz grilled salmon
3.5 oz of broccoli steamed
when we left and went home I ate
3.5 oz cucumber
1 orange
1 melba toast.
From now on, I will pay attention. PORK is a NONO. i thought I had grabbed frozen steak and only when I was cutting it up and getting the fat off did I realize it was pork not steak, but I had nothing else thawed out & I ate it anyways. We will SEE if my mistakes are slowing me down.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

losing vanity poundage

I am 5'3" and weigh 146 lbs. My doctor told me after my miscarriage in March that it was "vanity pounds". My friend has done the "HCG Diet" where there are limited natural sugars, no carbs, and weighed meat and veggies. She lost alot of weight and looks amazing. I would like to get there as well so June 1, 2010 was my first day. I have to say, coming from a miscarriage when I first heard about this my hormones were incredibly whacked out and I was SO hateful and angry that someone would turn to this diet. After researching it myself and seeing my friend's results and how its been 3 months and she's kept the weight off, I decided I would tuck my tail between my legs and try it. I told my friend she oculd take before and after photos. I put on a swim suit, and shamefully took a frontal, sideways, and backside picture. I assure you, this is NOT vanity weight. My doctor doesnt want me to get hot apparently. anyhow. I will post my before and after photos up AFTER i have gotten through my cycle. My first two days of HCG injections, I am supposed to "gorge" and eat the most fattening unhealthy foods. the remainding 18 days of injections and 2 days after to ensure the HCG is out of my system I am going to be following the diet. Then I can add calories and a few things into my diet for 3 weeks. After the 3 weeks I will be at my weight at which I can post before and after photos. The reason I am doing this is to be a guride for myself and see my progress and to help anyone else who may be doing this as well. the Yesterday when i took my first injection, i went to McDonalds and had a big mac meal, 4 piece chicken nugget with a coke. I then ate TWO popsicles that are like the little strawberry shortcake icecream thingys. Then i had a beer. I dont eat that much i none day EVER. i woke up with a stomach ache. Today I had one cup of cottage cheese, 2 100 cal packs of oreos, and now I am eating a bagel with EXTRA cream cheese. This part of the diet really isnt beneficial to anyone. you just eat as badly as possible. So, tomorrow starts my insane 500 calorie diet. I will be having ONE blog, updating it every day. If you see my results and are interested, you can go to my facebook and see HCG Diet for Less, and my friend sends you all the information, and you can learn from HER! - xoxo