live to love...



Friday, December 10, 2010

the [f.] word. family

i moved. i have stayed in my house one night. i just cannot bring myself to go there every night. it's okay though. i did this with Liz and after a month i realized that i was home and started to stay every night and then i moved. So.o.o.o. now I am figuring out my life. that's hard. i try not to put too much thought with it. i am a go with the flow type of person but i need to design some structure in my life and get MY hobbies and MY interests and be able to realize i no longer am living my life to please someone else. it's nice  amazing to know that I can be who i want to be and do what I want to do for me and not feel guilty about it. somedays i wake up and realize that I am home. in my heart right now I have found that this is where i belong. I am not sure why, but I am not ready to pack up and go back to my family. i love & miss them beyond words, but this is my time. this is the time where I am able to find myself and develop myself for my future.

If i fall in love, I want it to be because we are friends & cannot stand to live life without each other. I want them to love and accept me for who I am and I want that same thing. I dont want someone who I think I can change. I want someone who is just right for me, & I am just right for him. God knows. He knows me and my heart and someday he will make sure I have the family I always dreamed of but was afraid to have with my last relationship because I KNEW it was a fail.
moving on. i am starting school in January & i am so impressed that I am truly doing things on my own. i have THE BEST support system. my friends here have quickly become family and I am so blessed to have grounded, good, centered people in my life to make sure I dont end up in a bad place during this transition. God really placed these people in my life to surround me and shield me from making bad choices as I better my life through my job and school. without them i would end up drinking every night, making bad decisions, being with the wrong crowd, and going back home to figure it out once again. So I appreciate every soul here in CO that has taken to me and allowed me to come inside their circle of family and BELONG. i love everyone here so much & i am extremely grateful for God bringing me good people at a very important time of my life. enough mush. i have to get back to work.  -xxooxo

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