Friday, February 18, 2011
had to go see the ex, in order to get our taxes done. all i wanted was justin to talk to me and just have anything to say. i didnt care if it was hi, im hating my life right now. can you pick up my dogs shit on the side of the house, can you clean the dishes and then load the dishwasher....like anything he said would have comforted me during the drive from my apartment to H&R Block. THEN. to top it all friggin OFF...first thing the ex says is. "Hey Babe, you're getting thick....unless its just been awhile since I seen you and i forgot how pudgy you were." What. THE. EF!? now I have to sit there getting taxes done digging my nails into my fleshy fat skin searching for my hip bones and sucking in my double chin and wrapping my arms around me to feel the fat hanging all over my body in order to remember that he's right...nothing tastes as good as thin feels. i need back in control of my body. i need to stop eating for the stupid fun of it. yesterday. i wore the smalles pants and shirt i have to remind myself how my clothes no longer fit and to say no to food and yes to thin. i love/hate the feeling of anamia coming back in. i love how by summer there is the potential for me to have my ribs showing again. why am i so consumed with this fucking scale and size on my jeans? i cannot let my hipbones, collarbones and ribs hide anymore. holidays are over. time for thin to begin.