i am so alone. i am not afraid of it. i love being in complete control. i seen pictures to day of a guy i dated. he got married and the way he looked at his wife at their wedding was TRUE LOVE. shes having a baby today. i am happy for them but it did hit me... did i rush into marriage with derrick and completely miss someone who could have been the "one"? im devestated today. in all reality. i want to walk down an aisle and have the man im going to marry be in awe of me. i want to come home and have someone be so excited to see me. i want to go out to eat and laugh about the people around us. i want to be able to drink and pass out and someone take care of me and put me in my pajamas and tuck me in. (is that a bit of a drunkards fantasy?) i want to go to the mall and say i want panties or shoes and someone to pull me into the store to have me get them. i want to be treated the way i have treated every guy i have ever been with...today i am sad.