live to love...

Monday, May 30, 2011

asshole attraction

apparently i can "have" any guy I want. unfortunately they are all ass holes and end up with a:commitment issues b: unable to remain faithful or my new fav. c: have a girl friend/baby=] yesss. thanks. alot. i dont even know. to change my preference in men. the ones im attracted to are full of shit. swear. i dont even want a relationship but can i please have some social interation with a man who is not a moron/cheater? My new concept is everyone is friends. EVERYONE and if i am attracted to run as far as possible in the other direction. build a cement wall with electric fence around my heart and mind and pray to God for some discernment. I am so sad that I attract these guys=[ thank  God I have decent morals and actually establish a relationship with people before hopping into bed so I havent made that mistake. bleh. stupid.

zer0 alcohol

challenge: accepted. i am going to moab this weekend. no drinking.. . . . . so i will be looking for my friends to provide a bad ass alternative. anyways, this weekend im doing nothing but monitoring my food intake and managing water because i started HCG on thurs & the VLCD part sat. 3 days in down 7 lbs fuck ya. cannot wait until June 25. going to be on day 1 of round 2, day 1 load day because for july, i wana be banging hot. and apparently that for me is at 110. =D anyways so if june 25th is my day 1 load then i can drink ((shitttt ton & this is the plan)) then day 2 i can have my hangover breakfast of the grease Gods. fuckin excited yo. check out my ANA/MIA blog if you want to see my progress and thinspo. xo-j

Friday, May 27, 2011


lets just say im over it...but im in the process of truly not feeling the pain. then i remember something about him. i wont sit here and slam him but apparently im not wort fighting for. in that case, neither is he. but my <3 heart still hurts a bit. im never going back. i loved and lost.
nothing interesting going on. i am doing something i dont want to sahre right now until i see some positive things occur.

Monday, May 23, 2011


fb= friend...boy. he was always a friend boy.  we dated and then i introduced him as my friend boy and it stuck. so the people who think he was a fuck buddy, no. we dated and that was all. i loved him i still do so its painful to hear his voice when he calls my friend or to see him but we will never be. we cant. we're the two people that would end up like jude and sienna or pamela and tommy. attracted to each other but bad. the end. im over him, us, blah blah blah. i am not ready to be in a relationship and i am not a slut. i will not sleep around or with people i barely know. that is not me. i need to have an emotional connection with someone to even go there. which makes the few people i have been with very special and not some sleazy night that i have to regret. just sayin, happy monday.

they finally listened to michelle and i and hired a temp. and her first day was today and that just so happen to coincide with our first day of EMR. wonderful. so not only do we have a new system that she and i were never trained on along with the old one we still need to utilize....but we are training a new girl. meep. the day went fast. and before we knew it it was time for the temp to leave. she was super sweet but unfortunately it was more of a distraction to train her than to just zip though our things and do her job ourselves. anyway. it was a good day. not a good day FOR a was a good day. happy=]

Sunday, May 22, 2011

change change

was in an interview where they asked me if i would transfer to Denver. Yes. i now am looking into jobs there regardless. i need the change. i can do anything I want. I have nothing there but opportunity and a closer residence to my family. therefore making the perfect compromise for friends and family. im so excited!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

speaking of.

so that boy emailed me on fb on wed. told me that it was cool that i didnt go to rifle for the show and i said for my bday that i was going to denver and there is a show THAT weekend. so i think i gave him my number and he gave me his but i told him when he texted me i would save his number then he did. hes totally cool. um however....hes IN the band. band +boy= friends only.
 ONLY haha. im glad i met him though. soo my friends and i are going to denver for my birthday and im looking into the zoo, shopping, and dinner. going to the NF show and coming back the next day. i reserved the rooms and I am STOKED. i cant wait to get out of here. <3.

Monday, May 9, 2011


doing finals this week. Principals of Management, Psychology, Business Seminar, and Math. bleh. I cannot WAITTT to be done for the summer. I wont even know what to do. I am struggeling with money right now but i think i just found the most perfect solution to that until I get paid for school in Aug. going to pay up my lease through DEC, pay off my health insurance, pay up my car through Dec, pay my credit card OFF. lock it up in a safe. then in DEc when i move to OH I will not be so strapped for finances. I also think I should just go to online school until Summer of 2012 to see if I need to come back to CO. kinda hope I do.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

happy me

Monday I was so siiiick. oMG so i didnt go to work but fb texted me and wanted to know where to go to see if his nose was broken. so we went back and forth on that and then tuesday he called me and asked me if i could let his dog out when i was at work but i couldnt leave so i had juliet go. then at 5 i asked him if he needed me for zeek and he said "i need you for me." ((awwweeee<3<3)) so i told him though "i will come over after my class if you find something interesting to do" so. o . o .o. we went to the movies and I stayed the night. and then YESTERDAY (WED) i asked him if he would take me to lunch but he had to work SO i went to class and then fb asked me to come over and so i went over and we fell asleep. and he held me...i feel so happy.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

still playing

i know i have swag. i am aware. i also am aware that every time i think if fb i am on the verge of puking because he maked me ill. do NOT belittle me, make me feel unbeautiful, fat, un worthy, then call and text me asking for my helo. YOU ARE A GROWN MAN. this petty bs reason to call and text me isnt going undetected. i am NOT stupid. i want to hate him. . . almost there. almost there. and then maybe i will meet someone who WANTS to treat me the way I treat people I care about. if not, well i am taking care of myself just fine. the worse thing in the world is to marry someone just because you dont want to be alone for the rest of your life.