after the dust settled this week around my heart, i looked at it and wanted to cry. it's dead. it doesn't beat, blood doesn't flow through it. i look how i am as a person and i'm hard and cold. my eyes don't reflect the light anymore and i'm so sad and hurt all the time. i put my heart back into my chest and felt it thump. it took a minute and it began to slowly beat again. it hurts. each beat it takes hurts my chest. i'm beginning to live again. its so painful but i inhale the fresh air and try to feel it circulate through my body. i feel happier every day. all i know is, my heart cannot take one more injury. not one more. so now i have to find my life and become me again just guarded. i have to protect my heart.