Sunday, June 26, 2011
After fb blew up my phone with below the belt comments and made me realize how immature I was, I cried and I cried ALL day. I cried and felt the pain of every break up he and I had, I cried for stooping below my beliefs and morals to hurt him, and I cried because apparently, T was telling people I was gross and fat. like i should expect anything more from someone who would do what he did. it hurt. but after crying I went to chuck and juliets. The couple who lived across the street from me who helped me with my divorce apparently had split up and so I received a call from fb to talk about it. I began apologizing for what I had done and we took a walk. we held hands while walking around the block at 12 am. i hugged him and apologized and told him i loved him. I told him i only had done this to hurt him. we laughed and talked and then i went inside with him and stayed the night. he told me he didnt love me. that he is ready to settle down but not with me. when I asked what i did wrong he said nothing. he said I was perfect. so. after he said that I left and I called him. I told him i did love him but we were toxic together and I would be there for him and everything would be good but we couldnt see each other anymore because we always fell in bed together....and its been like that for over a week now. only time will tell what will happen with this boy. but I am at peace now knowing that he and i are friends again.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
i am OCD about things starting on anything other than 1. so after the past week and all of the complete nonsense. OH MY GOD i cannot even say the amount of untrue things that have been said about me. . . . omg the things that have been said. and i cried. i bawled my eyes out because i am a good person and my friends and family tell me how good i am and i do so much for people and because i did ONE bad thing i have turned into the anti christ. believe me. words cannot describe regret. I have NEVER had regret but this. hurts. i am not a cheater i didnt step out on the friend boy. and FYI: he has a new girlfriend. i dont like him i am alone in this world. and im ok. i like being me. he and i are not good together but it still hurts. . . but its a hurt that i am dealing with for the first time. . . dealing hurts but it makes me stronger. and no matter how much love i have for him i would never ever go back . what hurts more is that my life is so open i hide nothing and yet people think i need to lie so i must be lying. thats so dumb.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
so he found out. he said shame shame shame on you. i told him shame on me for what? you were unable to commit to me and i thought i made it clear that after you broke up with me i am single and anything i do is none. of. your. business. and he said that he didnt care that he thought it was funny and that i am not the person i claim to be so he is glad he made the decision he made and that i am shifty. SOoo i said wana talk about shifty shit? how about a 57 year old lady you fucked slept in bed with you and you lied about it until another friend called you out on it, you said you were with "friends" because you didnt want me to know you were hanging out with her. i am extraordinarily real, i am a good person and i may be too loud and be ditzy but i didnt cheat on you. and dont use this as an excuse as to why you made your decision, we have been broken up for over a month. and ps: if you didnt care you wouldnt have texted me. so then he said: i have said all i wanted to say. nothing seperates you now from all the other whores ive fucked. have a good life. then he texts again and says: dont regret or feel bad about what you did, now this is an excuse. i ignored it. good riddence. asshole.