live to love...

Monday, July 25, 2011

fairy dust

after the dust settled this week around my heart, i looked at it and wanted to cry. it's dead. it doesn't beat, blood doesn't flow through it. i look how i am as a person and i'm hard and cold. my eyes don't reflect the light anymore and i'm so sad and hurt all the time. i put my heart back into my chest and felt it thump. it took a minute and  it began to slowly beat again. it hurts. each beat it takes hurts my chest. i'm beginning to live again. its so painful but i inhale the fresh air and try to feel it circulate through my body. i feel happier every day. all i know is, my heart cannot take one more injury. not one more. so now i have to find my life and become me again just guarded. i have to protect my heart.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

take a long walk off a short pier

i took my friends daughter with me to get a pedi/mani and go to chuck e cheese. her parents were HUGE in my life and helped me move from Derricks house and supported me and my decision to leave him. Anyways, now they are going through a divorce and are moving away so I took her to hang out with me for while. I told her how I am working on the boy's project and how I hang out with a boy alot and she told friend boy. he TELL HER THAT NOW JENNA WONT CALL ME ANYMORE. I DONT HAVE HIS FUCKING NUMBER. DUMMY! anyways so i woke up around midnight, and he said" looks like you're not in jail. im the real slim shady. ) then he tells his girlfriend he will go to Kenny Chesney with her. GET OUT. OF. MY BUSINESS. Believe me. its fine that. he knows im moving on BUT why does he have to have these side comments. fuck.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

a sign. from. God

after two lame parties last night, before we went home we went to Los Jilbertos. fucking twin was twin was there. with a little small skinny blonde white girl. its a sign. hes just going to be the hot guy and that's it. i cant do small and i cant do blonde and i definately think whatever opinion he had of me has just went into another level because the people i was with were so LOUD and HAMMERED and then P got into an argument with her baby's daddy and started shoving him around....i looked so damn classy with these people. its what i get for not wanting to be alone. anyways. i think the boy craze is diminished. im focusing on my job right now.